Restructure by Nick Cooke

(i)

 

You’re gonna get known as Mr Apology

if you keep saying sorry for stuff we none of us feel bad about

we at top table

where we assume you wanna be sat

 

….So get out your shovel and start in on the business

of whacking your precious core values over the back of the fucking head

and burying them in the deepest of pits

in your otherwise pretty little rose garden

out of efficiency not malice needless to say

nothing personal            no space for regret

 

When it comes to the moment you just take out your pen

can it really be so hard to draw a straight line through a name or two

or fourteen in this case but the principle’s the exact same

 

Oh you must be shitting me with the hangdog bridgeofsighs alaspooryorrick palaver

or are you rehearsing for some godawful amdram panto

..you’ll be emailing us all about in the Christmas runup

like us lot got nowt better to do than drag our weary carcasses

down some fleahole reeking of damp and flop

and watch your lamearse ilk

prance about in tights & wigs doing what you

….not so secretly wish you’d been given the gift for

instead of having to rub your bony shoulders

against our broader not to say wiser ones

for the rest of recorded history

 

Try and take the long view if that’s within your compass

and if you really must go on about wounds

to the body private or corporate

remember that today’s gangrenous gashes are tomorrow’s battle scars

honoured and revered by anyone whose fingers trace

their crimson grooves

 

 

(ii)

 

Do sit down and thank you for dropping in

I’ve so enjoyed our tête-à-têtes over the time

….you’ve been with us how long is it now

 

Is it really that long

 

Yes I know it’s all in the file but I wanted to keep this

 

You know               breezy if not exactly bright

 

Of course you’ll be aware

there’s been a lot in the wind and not much of it savoury

concerning the plans to make us more viable

when it comes to the old b.l. if you get my drift

 

Yes I’m well aware this is education not a business

but more and more the reality is

 

I don’t want to sound cynical believe me

 

….I hate to use phrases like there’s got to be winners and losers

but very regrettably we’ve had to draw up

a list of criteria

a kind of checklist for being as fair as we possibly can

on the very vexed subject of who

   we can give good news as against

those less favoured I mean fortunate

 

And I should stress this is all still on a

purely consultative basis

 

Now it has to be said your sickness record isn’t what

any of us would like

and with more than eight days in the last month

I’m afraid O.H. are now involved and you’ll shortly

be getting word they’d like an initial chat

 

Nothing to worry about in itself

but it is among the redflag zones to use the jargon much as we all hate it

along with learner complaints

  of which of course there’ve been quite a number

on your feedback forms this term

 

Please don’t get upset

 

There’s really no need for that tone

 

I understand you’re feeling

 

But really the terms on offer are far from

 

Plus you should consider the generous exit package

in the event of early

 

Whereas I do have to warn you

if you stay and fight as it were

 

 

Yes I know you’re not looking

..to get your mouth stuffed with gold

 

However

 

However

 

If you’d just let me

 

In that case I think we’ve reached

 

I’m not enjoying this any more than

 

Please believe me

 

We’ve always been good pals and I want it to stay that

 

I’m just offering friendly

 

I’m sorry you take that line

 

Obviously it’s your perfect right to consult whoever

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